The exact pattern that keeps many hardworking high achievers in the self-doubt loop. Something I personally experienced over and over again.
She kept saying:
“I should…”
“I have to…”
“I need to…”
Many of us working internationally operate in English as our second or third language.
We learn how to speak professionally.
We learn what is grammatically correct.
But we are rarely taught to notice how the language we use can shape how we think, how we carry ourselves, and how others perceive us.
Instead of sounding like an experienced professional making deliberate career choices, she sometimes sounded as though she was trying to meet expectations set by somebody else.
So we started working on something surprisingly simple.
We changed the language.
Instead of:
“I should develop more experience in this area.”
We explored:
“I want to deepen my experience in this area because…”
Instead of:
“I have to take the next step in my career.”
We moved towards:
“I am ready for my next challenge, and this is why…”
The facts hadn't changed.
She had.
Or more accurately, the way she communicated with her agency had changed.
She began to sound less like someone asking for permission to take the next step and more like someone who understood what she could contribute.
The language we learn can become our inner voice
For many of us who learned English as a second language, expressions such as:
“I should…”
“I must…”
“I have to…”
are simply part of how we learned English.
There is nothing grammatically wrong with them.
But language carries more than grammatical meaning.
Repeated often enough, it can also carry pressure, judgement and obligation.
“I should be further ahead in my career.”
“I have to get this job.”
“I must prove myself.”
“I should be more confident.”
Now combine that with the realities of an international career.
Working across different cultures.
Operating professionally in another language.
Navigating hierarchy and organisational politics.
Applying for highly competitive opportunities.
Adapting repeatedly to different expectations of what confidence and leadership are supposed to look like.
The pressure adds up.
“Should” can reveal something important
In coaching, I have become increasingly curious whenever I hear:
“I should…”
My next question is often:
According to whom?
Sometimes the answer genuinely comes from the person.
But sometimes it comes from somewhere else.
A manager.
A parent.
A previous organisation.
A cultural expectation.
A definition of success we absorbed years ago.
Or an assumption about where someone at our age or career level is supposed to be.
That is when “should” can quietly turn into self-judgement.
From obligation to agency
This isn't about removing “should” from our vocabulary.
And it certainly isn't about pretending everything is a choice.
Sometimes we genuinely have obligations.
Instead, it is about noticing when our language is reducing our sense of agency.
Try listening for the difference:
“I should network more.”
→ “Who do I genuinely want to reconnect with?”
“I have to find another job.”
→ “I am exploring what I want my next chapter to look like.”
“I should be more confident.”
→ “What would help me communicate my experience with more confidence?”
“I need to push through.”
→ “What does this situation actually require from me?”
The circumstances may not have changed.
But your relationship with yourself will.
This matters when you are trying to do good and move forward
Many international professionals I work with are holding two ambitions at the same time.
They want to do meaningful work.
And they want to progress.
They want the next role.
The next career milestone.
The international assignment.
The leadership opportunity.
The next career milestone.
There is nothing wrong with wanting both.
But sometimes, particularly in purpose-driven careers, ambition becomes wrapped in complicated language.
“I should be grateful.”
“I shouldn't care about the title.”
“I have to prove myself first.”
“I should just focus on the mission.”
Purpose and ambition do not have to compete.
You can care deeply about the impact of your work and intentionally build the career you want.
The language you use can help you own both.
Listen to the language of your inner workplace
We spend a lot of time discussing psychologically safe workplaces.
But there is another environment we inhabit every day:
the conversation inside our own heads.
For multilingual and multicultural professionals, that conversation may be influenced by several languages, cultures and definitions of success.
So I have started paying closer attention to four small phrases:
Should.
Must.
Have to.
Need to.
Not because they are inherently harmful.
But because they can be useful signals.
They can show us where we feel pressure.
Where we have lost our sense of choice.
And where someone else's expectations may have quietly become our own.
So the next time you hear yourself say:
“I should…”
Try asking:
“According to whom?”
Then perhaps ask a second question:
“What do I choose?”
Sometimes changing one word doesn't change the situation.
But it can change how you carry yourself into it.
And other people can start seeing that difference too.
About Satomi Ogata
Satomi Ogata is an Impactpool Career Coach who works with international professionals navigating career transitions, pivots, and their next career milestone. Drawing on over 16 years of experience in global HR and talent acquisition across multinational organisations and the United Nations, she combines coaching with practical, real-world career tools to help professionals clarify their direction, position their strengths and take meaningful action towards what comes next.